"...I still don’t think I can give a proper answer, although there’s one that might be acceptable”. The tip of your ears went red.
“And what might it be?” my voice came in a tone that I had never used before with anyone.
“Well, I can’t really be sure, because this is the first time that I have felt this way. I’ve been feeling this for about six years, but it has only gotten deeper…”
“Well, that gives me a pretty good idea of what you’re talking about. Wouldn’t it have been rather frustrating if you hadn’t explained yourself? I mean…” I was amused at my own sarcasm.
“… I have fallen in love with you.”
I fell silent at once. Your words were still ringing in my ears. I hadn’t quite believed you, although part of me was praying that it wasn’t all a prank. I diverted my gaze again. I feared that if I looked in your eyes, I would find that you were not telling me something real.
“I… I… sorry?” that was the second time I had to look at my feet.
We stopped swaying placidly. Suddenly the atmosphere changed, it was now hostile, awkward and a tiny little bit disappointing. My head was racing, and for once in my life I couldn’t react at what had happened.
“I’m sorry. I know I should not have told you that, but we’re leaving in less than eight hours and I needed you to know…”
You turned to leave. Your demeanour visibly changed; it went from secure, serene and courageous to defeated, vulnerable and hurt. I knew I had to say something if I wanted to be with you. I didn’t find my voice, but my arm reached out for yours on its own accord.
“Don’t. Please, don’t” An almost inaudible undertone left my lips.
“Don’t what?” Your voice was quivering.
“Don’t go. Don’t leave me”
That time I couldn’t avoid searching for your eyes. Not that I had wanted to, anyway. However, what I saw in them made my knees go weak. It was sadness, pain and confusion, and all I wished in that moment was to erase those feelings from your eyes and your soul.
You turned away again, and I panicked.
“This situation we had some minutes ago… it was all about you… about a non existent us… about our departure from one another in mere eight hours… I couldn’t handle being that close to you and not be able to reach out… I know I acted cowardly, but… I wouldn’t have forgiven myself if my heart had been shattered…and I didn’t know…I know I sound a tad load selfish, but… how on earth do you imagine I would have gone on without you and with a broken heart?” My words came in a desperate plead. They were rushed and blended together. I was so afraid…
I sobbed when you didn’t turn to face me. I covered my face with my hands and I was pretty sure that by the time I dared to look, you wouldn’t be there. However, when you heard me sob, you turned and wrapped your arms around my waist. I grabbed the front of your robes and held on to them for dear life. In those tears I let my fear, pain, uncertainty, confusion and helplessness flow.
You pulled me further into you, while you used your deepest voice to try to soothe me. God, I swear I wanted that moment to last forever.
When my tears subdued, you held my hand, nodded your head at the player, and guided me towards the front doors.
My feet hurt from the high heels, so I decided to take them off. You scowled and then with a mischievous smile, you bent down and swept me of my feet. I shrieked and yelled at you to put me down on earth. You just laughed and marched your way down to the grounds. You kept walking for several minutes, until we reached the same spot you had found me in, right before the ceremony.
By that time, my head was spinning. The atmosphere around us held many scents that made my senses over perceptive. Forget–me–not, grass, honeysuckle, cherries… but mostly your smell of boy, chocolate, coffee beans and mint. You lowered me to the ground and sat right beside me. A content silence danced around us for several minutes. Slowly the temperature began descending, until I involuntarily shivered. You noticed and threw your arm over my shoulders; absent-mindedly, your finger began caressing the skin of my arm. Then, a chill ran down my spine.
“Are you cold? You’re shivering. We’d better head back inside.”
“No. I want to stay here a little longer."
You moved to sit behind me, with your legs straddling me. I moved a little more into you and rested my head on your chest. We sat there, contemplating the stars that shone brightly above us. I turned around so that I was facing you. You were avoiding my eyes, so I did the only thing I could think of in that moment: I kissed you.
At first you did not react and when I was about to break it, your arms snaked around my neck and played with the loose curls. Slowly, you brushed the tip of your tongue over my bottom lip and nibbled at it lightly. I shivered again and sighed into the kiss granting entrance. I ran my hands over to your chest and pushed you back. You leaned until your torso was touching the drizzled grass, taking me down with you.
You broke the kiss and looked into my eyes as your hand cupped my face tenderly. It was the first time I didn’t feel all vulnerable; on the contrary, I felt save, warm and protected. We leaned in again and this time the kiss was more tentative, although much more intense. My hands were on your hair and yours drew patterns on the exposed skin of my back. It seemed we did not know what to do or where to put our hands. You went for a save move, putting them on the small of my back, massaging it up and down. I, on the other hand, did something that took you by surprise: I tickled your ribcage.
“No please! Stop, please! C’mon! Please I beg you…” You said between laughs and gasps of breath.
“Why, I did not know you were ticklish. I wonder where else might be sensible to my fingers?” I drew them to your neck and you laughed harder. I moved them over to your belly and you squirmed.
You then grabbed my wrists and flipped us over, so that you were hovering over me. A flash of innocent malevolence crossed over your face.
“Don’t you dare do it! I swear that if you’re even thinking of it, I will make sure you pay for it!” My voice was nervous and excited. Something in my belly felt like the almost imperceptible breeze butterflies cause with the flipping of their beautiful wings, and yet, I could do nothing but enjoy the feeling of excited peace rising in my heart.
I tried to get your attention from your mean vengeance with the cutest glance and the most innocent little girl look I could put. I reached for you and brought your lips to mine once more. However, this kiss did not last long, because you decided to torture me in a sweeter way. You ran your lips over my forehead, nose, cheeks and chin. You whispered sweet nothings in my ear and then nibbled the lobe, jaw line, the chords of my neck. You sucked feverishly upon the base of my throat.
I sighed and arched my back when your hands reached my shoulders and down onto my arms.
That brought me back to earth. I pushed you back a little bit and looked into your eyes.
"Do you want to go inside?" this was said so quietly that if I had not had my eyes on you, I would have been sure to have imagined it.
"No, not really"
You moved and leaned on your elbow to stare at me.
"You know... I think we might take a couple of weeks before we enter to the trainee programme... just the two of us... far away from the world..."
"What in Heaven's sake are you talking about?"
"You know, just forget about everything. Nothing more than that"
...
“And what might it be?” my voice came in a tone that I had never used before with anyone.
“Well, I can’t really be sure, because this is the first time that I have felt this way. I’ve been feeling this for about six years, but it has only gotten deeper…”
“Well, that gives me a pretty good idea of what you’re talking about. Wouldn’t it have been rather frustrating if you hadn’t explained yourself? I mean…” I was amused at my own sarcasm.
“… I have fallen in love with you.”
I fell silent at once. Your words were still ringing in my ears. I hadn’t quite believed you, although part of me was praying that it wasn’t all a prank. I diverted my gaze again. I feared that if I looked in your eyes, I would find that you were not telling me something real.
“I… I… sorry?” that was the second time I had to look at my feet.
We stopped swaying placidly. Suddenly the atmosphere changed, it was now hostile, awkward and a tiny little bit disappointing. My head was racing, and for once in my life I couldn’t react at what had happened.
“I’m sorry. I know I should not have told you that, but we’re leaving in less than eight hours and I needed you to know…”
You turned to leave. Your demeanour visibly changed; it went from secure, serene and courageous to defeated, vulnerable and hurt. I knew I had to say something if I wanted to be with you. I didn’t find my voice, but my arm reached out for yours on its own accord.
“Don’t. Please, don’t” An almost inaudible undertone left my lips.
“Don’t what?” Your voice was quivering.
“Don’t go. Don’t leave me”
That time I couldn’t avoid searching for your eyes. Not that I had wanted to, anyway. However, what I saw in them made my knees go weak. It was sadness, pain and confusion, and all I wished in that moment was to erase those feelings from your eyes and your soul.
You turned away again, and I panicked.
“This situation we had some minutes ago… it was all about you… about a non existent us… about our departure from one another in mere eight hours… I couldn’t handle being that close to you and not be able to reach out… I know I acted cowardly, but… I wouldn’t have forgiven myself if my heart had been shattered…and I didn’t know…I know I sound a tad load selfish, but… how on earth do you imagine I would have gone on without you and with a broken heart?” My words came in a desperate plead. They were rushed and blended together. I was so afraid…
I sobbed when you didn’t turn to face me. I covered my face with my hands and I was pretty sure that by the time I dared to look, you wouldn’t be there. However, when you heard me sob, you turned and wrapped your arms around my waist. I grabbed the front of your robes and held on to them for dear life. In those tears I let my fear, pain, uncertainty, confusion and helplessness flow.
You pulled me further into you, while you used your deepest voice to try to soothe me. God, I swear I wanted that moment to last forever.
When my tears subdued, you held my hand, nodded your head at the player, and guided me towards the front doors.
My feet hurt from the high heels, so I decided to take them off. You scowled and then with a mischievous smile, you bent down and swept me of my feet. I shrieked and yelled at you to put me down on earth. You just laughed and marched your way down to the grounds. You kept walking for several minutes, until we reached the same spot you had found me in, right before the ceremony.
By that time, my head was spinning. The atmosphere around us held many scents that made my senses over perceptive. Forget–me–not, grass, honeysuckle, cherries… but mostly your smell of boy, chocolate, coffee beans and mint. You lowered me to the ground and sat right beside me. A content silence danced around us for several minutes. Slowly the temperature began descending, until I involuntarily shivered. You noticed and threw your arm over my shoulders; absent-mindedly, your finger began caressing the skin of my arm. Then, a chill ran down my spine.
“Are you cold? You’re shivering. We’d better head back inside.”
“No. I want to stay here a little longer."
You moved to sit behind me, with your legs straddling me. I moved a little more into you and rested my head on your chest. We sat there, contemplating the stars that shone brightly above us. I turned around so that I was facing you. You were avoiding my eyes, so I did the only thing I could think of in that moment: I kissed you.
At first you did not react and when I was about to break it, your arms snaked around my neck and played with the loose curls. Slowly, you brushed the tip of your tongue over my bottom lip and nibbled at it lightly. I shivered again and sighed into the kiss granting entrance. I ran my hands over to your chest and pushed you back. You leaned until your torso was touching the drizzled grass, taking me down with you.
You broke the kiss and looked into my eyes as your hand cupped my face tenderly. It was the first time I didn’t feel all vulnerable; on the contrary, I felt save, warm and protected. We leaned in again and this time the kiss was more tentative, although much more intense. My hands were on your hair and yours drew patterns on the exposed skin of my back. It seemed we did not know what to do or where to put our hands. You went for a save move, putting them on the small of my back, massaging it up and down. I, on the other hand, did something that took you by surprise: I tickled your ribcage.
“No please! Stop, please! C’mon! Please I beg you…” You said between laughs and gasps of breath.
“Why, I did not know you were ticklish. I wonder where else might be sensible to my fingers?” I drew them to your neck and you laughed harder. I moved them over to your belly and you squirmed.
You then grabbed my wrists and flipped us over, so that you were hovering over me. A flash of innocent malevolence crossed over your face.
“Don’t you dare do it! I swear that if you’re even thinking of it, I will make sure you pay for it!” My voice was nervous and excited. Something in my belly felt like the almost imperceptible breeze butterflies cause with the flipping of their beautiful wings, and yet, I could do nothing but enjoy the feeling of excited peace rising in my heart.
I tried to get your attention from your mean vengeance with the cutest glance and the most innocent little girl look I could put. I reached for you and brought your lips to mine once more. However, this kiss did not last long, because you decided to torture me in a sweeter way. You ran your lips over my forehead, nose, cheeks and chin. You whispered sweet nothings in my ear and then nibbled the lobe, jaw line, the chords of my neck. You sucked feverishly upon the base of my throat.
I sighed and arched my back when your hands reached my shoulders and down onto my arms.
That brought me back to earth. I pushed you back a little bit and looked into your eyes.
"Do you want to go inside?" this was said so quietly that if I had not had my eyes on you, I would have been sure to have imagined it.
"No, not really"
You moved and leaned on your elbow to stare at me.
"You know... I think we might take a couple of weeks before we enter to the trainee programme... just the two of us... far away from the world..."
"What in Heaven's sake are you talking about?"
"You know, just forget about everything. Nothing more than that"
...
